A Fine Lady's Outlook: The Monkey in the Middle

Over the years, I have spent a considerable amount of time and interest noticing "The Games People Play" in life, and how determined they are to arrive at their desired destination. If confronted about this, most people would probably dismiss the fact that, at one time or another, they participated in this game. But, because of the thousands upon thousands of people who engage themselves in this deceptive practice, I wanted to gain a more thorough understanding of the hidden motives and strategies a well seasoned player will use.

In this "game", the main player has one or more opponents. The following scenario portrays one player against his world, and anyone who gets entangled in his web of gimmicks may not even know they are "playing" this game.

The Game
"The Games People Play" is a figure of speech describing the useless, manipulative, and silly things a person will do to achieve his selfish end result.
The object of the game, to be declared the winner, is for him to get his own way irregardless of what he has to do to outsmart all the others in his playing field.

In this "game", the interactions of the participants ultimately progress to an outcome in which one individual obtains the payoff or goal. These interactions can be words, body language, and facial expressions, used as a calculated means of steering his opponents' thinking to agree and comply with his concealed agenda until his desired end result is achieved. The psychological theatrics and mind games the player engage in usually involve ulterior motives that may not be immediately obvious to the other "players". The dynamics acted out, resulting from both party's predicaments, escalates way beyond the normal pattern of healthy conflict resolution, therefore making this game absurd and counter productive.

The Challenge
The energy and determination a player exerts to assure securing his desired end result will be the fuel to keep this game going. He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. The challenge is to prevent the other "players" from causing him unacceptable disappointment and despair. These other "players" will succumb to this mind game to defend their own personal gain as well, often not realizing right away they are even playing this game. Refusal to accept the truth or verdict of the opponent's choices will spur a player on to continue this bantering back and forth until one of them drops out, feeling worn out, and exhausted, and completely defeated.

The Reward
Who is the real winner of this game?  The main player carried out his painful agenda causing all his opponents unnecessary heartache and grief. It didn't matter what it cost them; how much senseless tension and friction they had to endure during this grueling process. But the reward, should he choose to accept it, is using his experience to learn more of himself, offering him the choice of taking a more mature approach to resolving future issues. Or, he can stay in his predicament; chances are someone else will become his new victim.

No decision is ever final. After multiple losses, the main player can at any time exchange his game for the upgraded version. This new version offers a new set of options that make him the winner every time.

The New Game
This new game still allows the main player to be in charge, but this time he is now in charge of himself and not everyone else. And, this game has a different objective, a different strategy to accomplish a more honorable outcome; reaching his own goals while helping someone else reach theirs.

His new position is to stay connected to the people on either side of him; to live life as the middle man. His new objective is to lead others to success and fulfillment, while he is latching on to new sources for acquiring his own personal fulfillment.

The children's game, Barrel of Monkeys, best illustrates this principle. In this game, a plastic barrel filled with monkeys is turned upside down and all the monkeys come tumbling out. Each player takes his turn by picking one monkey up by his arm. He tries to hook the other arm through a second monkey's arm, and continues making a chain picking up as many monkeys as possible till one drops.

Now, if we transfer that same concept over to create a chain of people what kind of picture do you see in your mind? In the grand scheme of things, the man who stays in the middle benefits from the endless opportunities to see every person as himself.

The New Challenge
The new challenge is to be sure a true motivation is the reason for all interaction taking place with every person and situation he encounters. To help someone for the sake of making himself feel better is clearly the wrong reason to help. Rather, the healthy goal is to bring about results that are emotionally promising for all parties involved. The player positions himself between to other players, but this time they are not his opponents, they are his team players.

The New Reward
He now becomes an instrument in helping others succeed in their endeavors, therefore, making everyone the winner. No manipulation, no selfish gain. Just a clean heart that seeks to reach out and pull others closer to their own goals while choosing worthy strategies to reach his own.